To My Future Self

Dear me,

I hope you see this sometime in the future. I’ve done it a few times before and so I’m pretty sure you will probably forget you wrote this. Many years later, curiosity will strike and you will want to look back at the things you had written. You’ll find many posts which do not say the same things you believe then but I’m sure you’ll understand where I was coming from at that time, as I do, for my younger self.

I’m writing this today because I’ve once again watched a movie that has struck me with a lot of feelings and spoke to a friend who recently got into a relationship. No, this isn’t from the time when your friends would get into a relationship and you’d wonder why you aren’t in one. Wonder if you were doing something wrong, or if you weren’t meant to find someone. I’m in a much better place now, I’ve experienced the responsibilities and work that come with relationships. I’ve come to understand and love myself so much more. I also give myself the respect I deserve for so much that I’ve been through but held strong and for going on even when the future and the past scare me and hold me hostage.

In fact, this friend of mine is someone very close to me and I’m very happy that she’s finally found someone. I hope you’re still close when you’re reading this. She means a good deal to you and although a lot of people who meant a lot to me aren’t the same anymore, I really do hope this remains.

I’m writing this today because although I’ve got people around me, people who enjoy my company and love my presence, I still don’t know who I could go to when I need to talk about things this emotional. No, actually I do. But the problem is more me, than them. I still don’t think I’m comfortable talking to people about it without regretting it. Perhaps, right now, I just want to talk, not get advice or judgement. I don’t want solutions, I just want a good conversation. I want to be able to speak endlessly without interruptions and at the end, feel heard. Even as I write this, I feel judged for expressing myself. I can hear voices mocking me for saying what I’m saying or feeling what I’m feeling. Perhaps there are still a lot of conflicts inside of me that I am yet to put to peace. Trust me though, it’s much better than before, and I hope it’s only gotten better for you. I hope you understand and remember that there has been a great amount of effort that’s brought you where you are now. It’s taken a lot of blood, sweat and tears to help you get there. Sometimes, even literally 🙂

Remember that there are people who love you dearly, it’s easy to forget this when you’ve got so much going on around you. You aren’t alone at any point in time. If you ever feel like talking, I’m always around, if not others. Besides, you’ve always loved to talk to me, haven’t you?

I feel much lighter now.

Thanks for always having my back.

With love,

You.

PS. I’m often asked if I’m okay after writing a post like this. Honestly, I’m doing great! What I write are intended to be more generic posts but written in a way that makes it personal. Yes, parts of it are based on my life but I feel like a lot of us go through the same feelings that I’ve expressed here. We often drown ourselves in sadness, so much that we forget to pay attention to the happy things around us. We focus so much of our lives on others that we forget to give time to ourselves. Self-love and validation of one’s own feelings are important. It’s made a very positive impact on my life.