There are times when the strongest people would like some attention, to have someone who would listen to them and actually care about what they have to say. Someone who would be there to listen and actually put themselves in their shoes to understand their situation. It’s not very often that we find that. You often find people who say they love talking and they mean it, like.. quite literally. They like to talk. Their point of a conversation is to reply to whatever you have to say, not to understand your take on it.
It’s sad but a lot of us are like that. You might hate that in others but could probably be that yourself. Do this experiment. Try to remember the last time you tried to speak to someone, or if you can’t very well remember that, do this the next time you speak to someone. When they tell you something nice that they are excited about, are you excited for them or do you just say something like, “Oh that’s nice”? When they tell you about someone they’ve lost, do you try to make them feel better or immediately bring up something about someone you’ve lost? I don’t think I need to tell you, but, if it’s the latter in either case, you need to work on it.
A lot of people think they are always there for people and try so hard to keep in touch, but, people who really want to have conversations expect it to be two sided. They expect you to reciprocate the energy they are giving out, and no, that’s not easy. This is why people who get really close to people and have a “damn tight” friendship often have smaller circles. They are probably friends with a lot of people but they tend to have actual conversations with only a few. It takes some energy to do this. Of course, there definitely may be exceptions but it’s not easy.
You’ve probably seen posts that say “Real friends abuse each other”, or “Real friends don’t need to talk to each other for extended periods of time”. Social media fills you up with a lot of shit. These may apply to some, these cannot be generalized. Each friend has his/her own needs. Some need you to be around when they go through a bad phase, some like to be left alone.
This has gotten worse since communication became easier. There was a time when people would send letters to each other. They would pour their hearts out. Each letter held so much value. People invested so much time in talking to each other when they couldn’t meet each other and when they met, they would sit together and talk for hours. People actually listened because it mattered to them. They didn’t know how long it would be before they met each other again. How often do you get these heartfelt messages now? I know it’s not something you can have always but how often do you even have conversations with people that actually leaves you satisfied? How often can you say “Okay, that was so fulfilling”? The fact that we can talk to whoever we want whenever we want has been taken for granted and now, friendships last much shorter even though we have all the means to maintain them.
All I wanted to say in this post is that, when you have people to talk to, respect it. Talk to them, involve yourself in the conversation. Try and empathize, it helps a lot in any sort of a conversation. This becomes very hard when it’s not two sided, but you know what? It never will if you don’t take the first step.
It’s time to change how this works.
I hope you enjoyed reading this. Please do let me know what you think about this!