When I close my eyes, I see myself waiting outside your house. I see your house the way it was the first time I came over. The dusty roads, the construction of apartments in your block, the car that was so wrongly parked. I feel myself standing there the same way I did that day. Nervous because I’d never been to your place, my nose itching because of all the dust and me sweating because my helmet didn’t allow any ventilation and my shirt was a thick one. I’d assumed it would be cold that morning but of course, the sun was out, bright and shiny!
I waited a few minutes, I wasn’t sure if I should honk because that would disturb all your neighbors and they’d probably start hating me before I could even hope to visit a second time. I couldn’t ring the bell either because I didn’t know which floor you lived on. So I waited, like an awkward idiot, and then it came to my mind that technology existed for a reason. So I called you and your phone, like always, wasn’t reachable. Slightly panicking, I sent an SMS and to my happy surprise, it happened to go through. About ten seconds later, someone unlatched the door and opened it. I kept staring at it hoping it was you and it was.
You came out looking a lot different from what you do normally. Your hair was a mess, your eyeliners were missing, your outfit wasn’t the fancy kind, for once you were wearing something that actually looked normal! PJs and a loose T-shirt. Yet, you looked beautiful. Your eyes still made my mind calm. Your smile still made my body warm. You. You made me feel comfortable again.
Your parents were home and we weren’t very comfortable hugging around them. I wanted a hug so bad though, you always give the best ones. They make me feel so good. It’s as if a warm blanket is wrapped around you on a cold winter morning but it’s also as if the blanket was whispering into your ears that everything is always going to be alright and assuring you that no matter what happens, it would be around me.
Thank you, Warm Blanket, for everything.
I wrote this when I missed a really special friend of mine. While writing this, and even now, I feel so much love for her. A younger me always mapped falling in love with being in a relationship but the me who wrote this understands how loving someone doesn’t mean you need to be in a special tagged relationship with them. You share a strong bond, there’s so much understanding, there’s so much transparency and there’s a want to give more than you take. To give whatever is in your capacity and sometimes even that which is not.
An additional note.
As much as typing this hurts now and reading this later will, people may not stay with you forever but memories will. You’ve got so much from special people, let them go and make someone else’s life special now. But also, right now, stop worrying about whether or not the people will stay in your life and cherish your every moment with them.