“In three words, I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: It goes on”
~ Robert Frost
It’s nice, isn’t it, the way Robert Frost beautifully puts words together? It makes sense, makes you feel motivated and at the same time makes you wonder how much he would’ve gone through to write the things he’s written.
I’ve always valued the memories I’ve made with people. So much that I’ve always kept a souvenir for myself for each memory. To give an idea of what I’m talking about, there are the movie tickets that’s been with me for so long that the paper has nothing written on it anymore- It was the first movie I’d watched with one of my friends I love a lot, I have the bill of the restaurant where I’d given my first ever dinner treat on my birthday, I have an idol of the Charminar that I’d got from a school trip to Hyderabad and I can go on and on.
Today though, what my entire post is going to revolve around is (or was, rather), to any other person, just a piece of brown paper. This brown paper, I’m talking about, was a book wrap at first. I’d covered one of my physics records with it. You’re probably wondering how this ordinary book wrap qualified to be a blog post topic. So let me tell you.
Before you continue reading though, I’d like you to feel a little bit like me. I want you to know a little bit of the background of me so that you can empathize with me in the upcoming part of the blog and so, if you would like to do that, please go ahead and read the post “1 July, 2013“. (You can click on it to be directed to that post).
Assuming you’ve read that, let’s go ahead. So that was someone I’d crushed on back in 4th grade. I was a kid and guess what? I crushed on her till my 12th grade. So this book wrap has got to do everything with her. She had taught me how to wrap a book. It was so nice. I still remember how awesome I’d felt. I remember it like it was yesterday. With every step that she’d told me, I’d fallen for her harder and harder. I remember how when I couldn’t fold something properly, she giggled a little and then put her hand on top of mine and taught me how to fold it.
I’d kept it with me till now. It’s been a few years. I’d kept it in my diary. This diary was something I’d poured my feelings into and it was something I couldn’t show anyone. It was something too personal. The fact that I don’t have many things to hide made this diary a little too private. I was scared. What if someone read this? I don’t know what would’ve happened but the thought of that still makes me sweat.
Anyway, I couldn’t maintain the diary for very long because a few months after I’d started making diary entries, I started this blog. I felt a lot more freedom here and the fear of letting anyone read it was much lesser. My blog, for almost a year, was something only I knew about. I didn’t share posts or tell anyone anything about it.
So, today, I saw my diary lying there in my secret place. Every time I looked at it, I quickly tried to forget about it. Let’s say those beautiful memories had become nightmares to me. Today, somehow, I really wanted to open it and see what scared me. I opened it and the moment I did, my eyes started running through the words and before I knew it, I’d read a few entries. What I read there, hit my heart. My face had warmed up. This hadn’t happened in a while. I had not blushed in a very long time. The diary had a lot of things that made me feel nice and embarrassed at the same time but there was also pain. A lot of it. The genuineness of the entries was something that I hadn’t seen in a very long time.
For the longest time, this diary had scared me. The brown paper, I’d seen it a lot of times, held in my hands and remembered that time. She was the only one I’d ever had such strong feelings for and I always thought it was something I needed to keep so that I remember it. Today I realized how much pain it had caused me every time I’d seen it. I didn’t want it anymore. It was over. I needed to move on.
I knew that the only way to safely dispose of it was to burn it. The thought of that made me think a million times but if I really wanted to move on, that was the only way. So I ripped the pages apart, took out the wrap and put it all together. My brain throughout the time was thinking of all the alternatives to this. A part of me really wanted to keep it even though it caused me pain but the other part of me, the clearly more sensible one, was done going through this. Finally, I made up my mind and burned it off. As it burned, I felt like I might regret this later on in my life but right now, it was the right thing to do.
After I was done, I felt a little relieved. I stopped myself from thinking any more about it. I had nothing to be scared of anymore. Words probably can’t express all the feelings that had gone through me throughout the time. It was one of the biggest things I’d done in a very long time. I’d gotten rid of what now seems to me like a monster in disguise.
To moving on and making better memories! 🍻
I hope you enjoyed reading. 🙂